Running to Stand Still (Part One)

I've been a U2 fan for years and have always enjoyed the song that inspired the title of this posting. On recently has the full impact of what the song means (at least to me) been driven in my skull and my heart.

My wife, Lindsay, and I (along with our two awesome dogs, Aslan and Cheli) recently drove to Michigan to spend two full weeks visiting family and friends. It was a nice change of scenery for me and it was a chance for Lindsay to relax before she plunges full-on into the internship portion of her Fellowship. A trip home is (usually) a healthy thing... though I prefer to do it when the weather is more to my liking (warm with no white precipitation of any form). It has its moments, of course: taking up residence in your parents' den (a den that is essentially foreign to me... as I never actually "lived" in this house as a child) for two weeks will do that to you. God bless my folks and I love them dearly, but the older I get, the older I they get... and I see the changes in their demeanor, accordingly.

Anyway, It was a good time and a great chance to catch up with folks. Sadly we didn't get to make it to South Haven to see a sunset (something I used to love doing back in high school... my buddy Dave and I used to "chase the sunset" and I don't think that we were ever the loser in that contest). However, I'm sure that my stepbrother  and stepfather have more than made up the difference by using their artistic and amazing photographic skills to document that which I have missed. Rob does great stuff. Dad does too. The fact that I mention a trip to South Haven (or lack thereof) is because of what they used to mean to me and my friend. Or at least to me. I'm not sure how Dave reflects on them, if he does at all. Some deep pondering, questioning, philosophizing, and commiserating would often take place. Obviously, we were high school kids so much of our talk would center around girls, college, and whatever else 15-19-year-old guys talk about (Dave was a year older than me, so he had dibs on a license before me).

The way all this ties into the title that I have chosen is because for the first time I've really realized that I have spent so much of my life "running to stand still." There has ALWAYS been a "next" in my life that was on the horizon. I hesitate to say "goal" because I don't know if that term qualifies each of the situations in question, but it works for now. High school? Getting a girlfriend. Graduating from high school. Going to college. Graduating from college (whoops...). Getting a job. Getting married. Having kids. Buying a home... and blah blah blah. The funny thing is, that I really feel that in many ways that seeking "the next" often leaves you feeling sort of stagnant and unappreciative of "the now." And that's sort of how I feel about things in my life at the moment. While I haven't exactly obtained each of those goals (and no kids are on THIS horizon... I'll keep dogs, thank you very much), I most definitely feel sort of in a weird limbo. A void of sorts where I've ratcheted off a succession of chains in my life in the last year ("okay, make it to Spring Break, make it through my evaluation, make it THROUGH the end of the school year, enjoy a trip home, etc., etc) and I just feel sort of in a weird limbo...

And with that said, I'll take a break and LEAVE this in limbo until next time..